FRIDAY, DECEMBER 25th

WHAT TO WEAR FOR CHRISTMAS

I'm obsessed with Diane von Furstenberg. Her words of wisdom, her vision for female empowerment, her beautiful fashions that never cease to take my breath away.

So in honor of the iconic designer, I put together a cheerful and festive Christmas outfit of all DVF goodies (minus the BaubleBar earrings).

If you're spending Christmas with the fam, this DVF dress is conservative enough to keep Granny happy unlike last year when she boisterously shouted how much you resembled a hooker every five minutes. If you're spending tonight with friends, loosen up yah buttons and spread the Christmas cheer to horny middle-aged men who are dying to catch a glimpse of cleavage (Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal!)

What's even more amazing is that you don't even need a warm coat tonight - it's 65 degrees! - so light it up chica!

MERRY CHRISTMAS GIRLIES!

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 24th

The Scenario: A Christmas Eve party where you WILL be guzzling champagne like nobody's business.

The Core Item: This Topshop party-ready slip dress, spliced with sex-bomb-lace and hey-girl-hey sequins.

O HOLY NIGHT! MY THIGHS ARE SHINING BRONZELY, FROM THE NEW SPRAY TAN I GOT TODAY!

So now that you enjoyed my abridged version of a Christmas classic, what are y'all doing tonight for Xmas Eve? I am running to a party so I'm making this short and sweet like my last Tinder date. For Christmas Eve, wear a little black dress with a lot of sex appeal. Pair it with a non-boring black pump (this one is festooned with stars!) and a kitschy clutch with a Christmas-appropriate slogan. These are all TOPSHOP because the brand has been absolutely killing it with their dresses this season (plus all items are under $100 so #winning!)