Christmas with DVF

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FRIDAY, DECEMBER 25th

WHAT TO WEAR FOR CHRISTMAS

I'm obsessed with Diane von Furstenberg. Her words of wisdom, her vision for female empowerment, her beautiful fashions that never cease to take my breath away.

So in honor of the iconic designer, I put together a cheerful and festive Christmas outfit of all DVF goodies (minus the BaubleBar earrings).

If you're spending Christmas with the fam, this DVF dress is conservative enough to keep Granny happy unlike last year when she boisterously shouted how much you resembled a hooker every five minutes. If you're spending tonight with friends, loosen up yah buttons and spread the Christmas cheer to horny middle-aged men who are dying to catch a glimpse of cleavage (Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal!)

What's even more amazing is that you don't even need a warm coat tonight - it's 65 degrees! -  so light it up chica! 

MERRY CHRISTMAS GIRLIES!

Christmas Eve

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 24th

The Scenario: A Christmas Eve party where you WILL be guzzling champagne like nobody's business.

The Core Item: This Topshop party-ready slip dress, spliced with sex-bomb-lace and hey-girl-hey sequins.

O HOLY NIGHT! MY THIGHS ARE SHINING BRONZELY, FROM THE NEW SPRAY TAN I GOT TODAY!

So now that you enjoyed my abridged version of a Christmas classic, what are y'all doing tonight for Xmas Eve? I am running to a party so I'm making this short and sweet like my last Tinder date. For Christmas Eve, wear a little black dress with a lot of sex appeal. Pair it with a non-boring black pump (this one is festooned with stars!) and a kitschy clutch with a Christmas-appropriate slogan. These are all TOPSHOP because the brand has been absolutely killing it with their dresses this season (plus all items are under $100 so #winning!)

BRIDGING THE GAP

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 18th

WHAT TO WEAR TO HOLIDAY PARTIES, PART 4

THE SCENARIO: Your third-wave feminist hipster friend who resides in Williamsburg but also makes fun of people who reside in Williamsburg is throwing a holiday party in her studio apartment (or was it micro-loft?) Her friends will be arriving in matching leather jackets and some type of Biggie or Metallica t-shirt (brownie points or a glass of wine for the chick that wears both at the same damn time!) so you want to wear an outfit with a preppy undertone that stands out in the crowd.

THE CORE ITEM: Gap's flannel shimmer roll-sleeve henley

As a wee young lad, it wasn't visions of sugar plum fairies that danced in my head. It was GAP sweaters, emblazoned proudly with the logo. They would stare at me from the window of the stare, taunting me with their beauty and seemingly calling my name. Every Christmas, a GAP-branded gift was bestowed upon me. A baby blue ringer tee with black GAP logo. A cherry-red sweater with a cream GAP logo. A grey hoodie with a patriotic American flag print GAP logo (this one, fyi, was my absolute favorite - the epitome of high fashion!)

And while the GAP logo still speaks loud and clear to me from varying t-shirts at my local store, I'm here to direct you toward more fashion-forward staples, and this outfit of head-to-toe GAP magic nails that.

The subtle hints of Lurex shimmer peaking through this traditional plaid make this a wardrobe staple for seasons to come (and it's only $54!) The denim skirt pairs pretty with plaids and looks cuter than a baby's ass with black suede Chelsea boots.

Because the weather outside is getting frightful, let's toss in a wool-trimmed parka (this one is GREAT) and some tights. Top it all off with the red beanie pictured and you're good to go, girl. PLUS, DID I MENTION EVERYTHING IS UNDER $100!

Methinks you should wear this to your cool Williamsburg friend's Christmas Eve party. So what if those hipsterz scoff at GAP - you were born and raised in New York City before those assface transplants even knew what Brooklyn was.