BRIDGING THE GAP

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 18th

WHAT TO WEAR TO HOLIDAY PARTIES, PART 4

THE SCENARIO: Your third-wave feminist hipster friend who resides in Williamsburg but also makes fun of people who reside in Williamsburg is throwing a holiday party in her studio apartment (or was it micro-loft?) Her friends will be arriving in matching leather jackets and some type of Biggie or Metallica t-shirt (brownie points or a glass of wine for the chick that wears both at the same damn time!) so you want to wear an outfit with a preppy undertone that stands out in the crowd.

THE CORE ITEM: Gap's flannel shimmer roll-sleeve henley

As a wee young lad, it wasn't visions of sugar plum fairies that danced in my head. It was GAP sweaters, emblazoned proudly with the logo. They would stare at me from the window of the stare, taunting me with their beauty and seemingly calling my name. Every Christmas, a GAP-branded gift was bestowed upon me. A baby blue ringer tee with black GAP logo. A cherry-red sweater with a cream GAP logo. A grey hoodie with a patriotic American flag print GAP logo (this one, fyi, was my absolute favorite - the epitome of high fashion!)

And while the GAP logo still speaks loud and clear to me from varying t-shirts at my local store, I'm here to direct you toward more fashion-forward staples, and this outfit of head-to-toe GAP magic nails that.

The subtle hints of Lurex shimmer peaking through this traditional plaid make this a wardrobe staple for seasons to come (and it's only $54!) The denim skirt pairs pretty with plaids and looks cuter than a baby's ass with black suede Chelsea boots.

Because the weather outside is getting frightful, let's toss in a wool-trimmed parka (this one is GREAT) and some tights. Top it all off with the red beanie pictured and you're good to go, girl. PLUS, DID I MENTION EVERYTHING IS UNDER $100!

Methinks you should wear this to your cool Williamsburg friend's Christmas Eve party. So what if those hipsterz scoff at GAP - you were born and raised in New York City before those assface transplants even knew what Brooklyn was.

FRINGE AND FLORAL?

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 15th

WHAT TO WEAR TO HOLIDAY PARTIES

It's that time of year again. The one where you drink four too many cocktails and gain seventeen pounds in a week (don't worry - you'll lose it all in the new year, or so your New Years' resolutions promise). It's holiday season again! You already bought mommy those earrings she not-so-subtly hinted at and you're already furiously fielding through gaggles of group texts about New Year's Eve plans.

And while you love Christmas and the promise of an ugly sweater party - don't worry, I'll do a round-up of all the best ugly sweaters really soon! - your company holiday party is this week!

And because you ended up ferociously flirting with that intern followed-by a classless vomit session in the bathroom (you forgot what tequila does to your liver) at last year's holiday party, it's time to redeem yourself and let those SLAY bells ring. Your #goals: impress the boss and shut that minx of a secretary up (you know that secretary - she who hyena-cackles at her own jokes and has a different Forever21 faux-fur dress for each day of the week).

Every girl in the office will be wearing some type of sparkle with some form of cheap sweater so why not opt for a fashion-forward look that might have sprung joyously from the pages of Harper's Bazaar?

A festive fringe jacket (this one is Saint Laurent) coupled with a Hibiscus-print tiered dress (thank you for the fashionz Marc Jacobs!) is the bee's knees. The juxtaposition of fringe and florals makes this look sing with style! Pair with chocolate brown booties and a Christmas-colored bag and you're ready to knock the socks off of that snooty little secretary. Goodbye socks! Farewell Felicia!

FRIDAY NIGHT OUTFIT: HOW TO CHANNEL YOUR INNER CARRIE

You look like a cowgirl from a rodeo, but also like Carrie from that good ole' show. Your bag is bestudded, your boots are befrazzled, the denim dress is cray-cray but you can't help but be dazzled. So that's the point in all of this, Carrie meets the rodeo, now go give Big a kiss.

So here's the dealio. You made it through Thanksgiving. You only gained 1.2 pounds. And you survived Black Friday. You deserve a glass of champagne. No. Make that a bottle. Or two. Throw on this patchwork denim dress, white booties that might have had sexual relations with the Be Dazzler, and a star-studded handbag. Carrie Bradshaw would have worn this on one of her many Cosmopolitan-fueled fictional outings with the gurls. Samantha would have loved the boots, Charlotte would've liked the bag, and Miranda would've hated the outfit because... well, Miranda, hated everything (but then she totally redeemed herself in the second SATC movie so I'm going to let her off the hook on this one). Because it's getting cold out thurrr, pair it with an oh-so-trendylicious silver bomber jacket - this tubular tinfoil Gucci jacket induces horniness but this Monki jacket at ASOS will prevent a financial crisis.

When wearing a tricky outfit like this, confidence (or excessive drunkenness) is key. You have to commit to the outfit! And so what if you look like a frazzled tourist from Montana when you walk into the Standard Rooftop tonight and pretentious chicks in the same Forever21 body-con dress roll their eyes at you? Carrie is smiling from her television graveyard and that's all that matters. Period.

Dress by Junya Watanabe Comme des Garcons / Bag by Zara / Shoes by Jeffrey Campbell