THURSDAY OUTFIT: HOW TO IMPRESS THE BOYFRIEND'S PRICKLY PARENTS ON THANKSGIVING

It's that time of year for the Holiday cheer, so throw on the pearls and go grab a beer. You'll need to be buzzed when you see your boys' mom, because life isn't as easy as your favorite rom-com. She's never been fond of you, but that's okay, you know about her in her wild college day. His parents are assholes, but you got this, and the J. Crew chambray gives some life to your tits.

What to wear tonight when forced into the same room as your boyfriend's dreadful parents and possible future in-laws? This. A chambray button-down with a little cleavage on display (WARNING: proceed with caution on cleavage in the presence of perverted Uncle Frank), a double-strand of classic Chanel pearls, a skirt in the chicest shade of camel, leopard pumps because leopard is the new neutral, and a lustworthy Edie Parker clutch that Grandma Rachel will surely try to steal and blame advancing Alzheimers on. This won't soften the awkward blow of wining and dining with your boyfriend's family but might give you the burst of energy you're going to need to chat with them all night long!

SHIRT by J. Crew / VINTAGE NECKLACE by Chanel / Clutch by Edie Parker / Skirt by J. Crew / Heels by J. Crew

WEDNESDAY OUTFIT: HOW TO FEEL HAPPY ON HUMPDAY

So tbh - please read with a 90s Valley Girl accent for dramatic effect - I did not have the mindset to write a little Dr. Seuss-ish poem with this outfit. My brain was on full meltdown. Why? Because it's a fucking Wednesday and my mind is fried. Humpday is like that girlfriend that gets way too sloppy drunk everytime you go out. At first, it's like HEY GIRL LET'S DRANK. Then it's like, ugh can I please throw your ass in a cab and get rid of you? But my brain is also kaput because today is the day before Thanksgiving and the only thing my mind can visualize is scarfing down turkey in a candlelit room with Marvin Gaye playing in surround sound. Yes. I'm fantasizing about making love to turkey. I'm also sexualizing and objectifying turkeys across America, but they are just too beautiful that I can't help myself. Gobble gobble.

OK. Now that I sound like your kooky aunt who shares a one-bedroom apartment with 26 Siamese kittens, let me get back to why I'm feelin' this outfit for today. First off, this ain't your grandma's tweed! This Sonia Rykiel tweed skirt skims the thigh in that youthful Clueless way but the metallic thread and safety pin embellishment gives it a punky edge. It's also 40 percent off right now in Net-a-Porter's MASSIVE I FOUND JESUS sale! I paired it with art-deco Valentino sandals - I know open-toe is a no-go this time of year but brave the cold for the sake of making your co-workers jealous af. Layer some simple silver necklaces and a sleek bag from Zara and this is quite the look for strutting through city streets. And since summer is dead, you may want to pair this outfit with a leather jacket to stave off the chill. This one from Zara is under $200 bucks but this one from BLK DNM is all I want for Christmas - can I get a real quick AMEN for Mariah Carey here, people!? - and it's $895.

Tee by H&M / Necklaces by Forever21 / Bag by Zara / Skirt by Sonia Rykiel / Shoes by Valentino

TUESDAY OUTFIT: HOW TO LOOK LIKE THE CREATURE FROM THE PRETTY PINK LAGOON

Roses are red, violets are blue, but pink is like Pikachu, so I choose you. A jolly pink coat, a fluffy Fendi, pink leather sneakers, and white jeans bring glee. This look's so Hanneli, a street style queen - you won't look like Spinelli, which is good 'cuz she's mean.

Coat by J. Crew / Bag by Fendi / Jeans by Cusnie et Ochs / Sneakers by WOMAN by Common Projects