The New Noir

The bombshell blonds of Hitchcock's Golden Age were savvy, stylish Barbie dolls with inimitable style and grace. Circa 2014, class has arguably been replaced by ass, and it is time for a return to this lost age of elegance. But before you raid granny's wardrobe or trek to Carolina Herrera's glossy Madison Avenue boutique, consider a new approach to this classic look. A prim white blouse is jazzier when it's Play Commes des Garcons' quirky variation. It pairs pretty with this gilded full-skirt but then strikes a youthquake match when paired with a modern mule from Tibi. A gem-encrusted clutch gives this look an evening appropriate feel but if you're fixing for a dainty daytime look, consider one of Dior's pricy but timeless Lady Dior bags. Voila! You've got a look that's less ladies-who-lunch and more ladies-who-get-tattoos-and-sometimes-use-expletives. Shop this Outfix here:

Shirt by Comme des Garcons Play, $257   /   Skirt by Charlie Brear, $730 (similar under $100 here)  /   Lipstick by MAC Cosmetics, $16  /  Clutch by La Regale, $40  /  Shoes by Tibi, $225

Not so Blase

To quote one Miss Merriam Webster, blasé means 'apathetic to pleasure or excitement as a result of excessive indulgence or enjoyment.' Take this t-shirt emblazoned with 'Blase' to be an ironic take on the commercialization of fashion or just take this as a cool freakin' t-shirt. For $35 a pop (holy krappoli and holy canoli, it's now $10 so do yourself a favor and buy it before it vanishes from the face of the Earth like the bizarre happening that is HBO's The Leftovers). And what's not to love about a shirt with a rainbow-splashed slogan that bring a spirit of optimism to a moody Monday where you feel just like this or perhaps more accurately this?

Paired with a punky-glam Dannijo necklace, equally-kickass-colorful sunnies, distressed denim, and ballet-pink Superga x Man Repeller sneaks, you got a pretty good Monday look. Keep on truckin' and keep on swimmin' as it's almost Friday! Well, not really, but can't we all dream! Also, take a little peak below at some other punchy tees that deserve some space in your wardrobe right this very minute!

T-Shirt by Aritzia, $35 - now on sale for $10!  /  Jeans by GAP 1969, $75  /  Sunglasses by Thierry Lasry, $525   /  Necklace by Dannijo, $298  /  Sneakers by Superga x Man Repeller, $125

From L to R: 3.1 Philip Lim, Etre Cecile, and Aritzia

You shouldn't have to spend a bundle to look cute, so Aritzia's take on the punchy graphic tee won't drain your lackaidasical, lackluster, and lack-of-pay in your disappointing paycheck - hey, I'm a twentysomething too and FEEL your struggle. However, if you do happen to have a spare $250 lying around, snap up this 3.1 Philip Lim tee emblazoned with 'Lights Out' in candy-colored studs (would look supa cute with this skirt and these shoes). Or go more practical with Etre Cecile's 'Fresh Air' tee - just under $100! - that is sure to bring something fresh to your wardrobe this season.

Disney Princess Shit

Your name may not be Cinderella but what the hell should stop you from your First Amendment rights. You know those rights: Thou shalt dress as a Disney Princess whenever thou feelest the urgest to. Alright, I get it. That’s not the First Amendment. But hey, in a perfect world, it would be. A margarita-fueled evening last night à ludicrous conversation with my friend Cara – ok: not that Cara - that life would be ten times better if chicks dressed up in pink, frothy, and ridiculously-impractical dresses. Think of the hilarity. A peach Oscar de la Renta satin ball gown while waiting in line for Chipotle. A lust-worthy bubble-gum pink and beguilingly-bejeweled Dior gown for a midday jaunt to Barnes & Nobles in Union Square to pick-up a copy of Meg Wolitzer’s The Interestings (who needs clickable Amazon purchases when you can be the belle of the ball at 2 p.m. with a simple strut over to good ole’ B&N?).

Alright, but back to reeeeeality. I get it. Disney Princess dressing is not in the stars for you for now. But that should not stop you from rocking the hell out of this micro-mini Alice & Olivia lace number. It’s a Disney Princess look if said princess came by way of the urine-odored, peasant-infested urban city streets (man, if only there were some movie that explored that irony!). Give Disney a run for the money with edgy elements mixed in to the lewk. An Edie Parker glitter-spackled clutch and ethereally-elegant Manolo heels with some kind of exploding silver swan shit at the toe will give you an outfit less Disney, more dope. Shop this Outfix below:

Dress by Alice & Olivia, $495   /   Clutch by Edie Parker, $1,095 (similar for under $100 here)  /  Shoes by Manolo Blahnik, $1,295 (similar for $70 here)