Fruit Brunch

Fruit punch means two differentiating tidbits to me. On one hand, it reminds me of the notorious Kool Aid pitcher (or is he a person? Or is he a she? I know not) crashing through houses and turning pools into blood-red somewhat-scary vats of sugar (please tell me you know what the hell I'm talking about as a YouTube search for said commerical yielded nada). On the other hand, fruit punch calls to mind the current trend for all things fruity and tropical-y in the style sphere. This J. Crew jumpsuit is sartorial fruit punch. This is a flawless and I do repeat and emphasize flawless style for those nights out you might not remember but that you also will never forget (Instagram now allows drunkards to piece their night together in a way David Systrom never could have imagined – what the actual fuck? How did we meet Bradley Cooper while grabbing dollar pizza?! True story. I’ll tell you another time).

Anywhoo, back to this jumpity jumpsuit. It does double-duty – for drunken eves, don the look for those tequila-swishing nights with your gal pals (tequila-swishing is a new sport of Olympian qualification, or so I’ve heard from a well-informed alcoholic) or rock it for a more daytime-appropriate weekend look (pictured in this lovely little Outfix above). Can’t you imagine wearing this look to brunch, from the ruby-red-bloodshot-eye-concealing Gant tortoise sunnies to the just-large-enough-to-hold-the-essentials caramel-colored J. Crew tote. Slip into some embossed white DVF pumps for a whiff of elegance, spritz on your Chanel No. 5 for a whiff of something other than that, and then dive into your mid-morning of Mimosa-fueled gossip. Shopity Shop below:

Jumpsuit by J. Crew, $295  /  Sunglasses by GANT, $110  /  Handbag by J. Crew, $168  /  Heels by Diane von Furstenberg, $325

The New Classic

I hate – no wait, despise – when the phrase ‘mellow yellow’ is uttered, spoken, screamed, sang, or written. The clichiest of all clichés, mellow yellow must die like John Tucker. There’s nothing fucking mellow about yellow. The color of urine, Tweety Bird and banana peels, yellow yaps. Hence, the origin of my self-contrived ‘yappity yellow.’ The jury is out on whether yaps or yappity ot actually incorporated in the correct world of Merriam-Webster but hey, it has a nice ring to it, don’t it?!

Well, this blazer is the sartorial personification of yappity yellow. It’s the punchiest piece you should add to your wardrobe this season. Considering we are on the cusp of summer and fall, come to think of it, this piece will take you seamlessly from season to season as a pop of color for those bone-chillingly cold days (under a warm and fuzzy topper, natch) to a stand-alone surefire hit when the sun is blazing. This is the game-changer you whip out when your wardrobe looks daffier than the duck himself (or was Daffy a she? I can’t quite remember!).  This is the type of jacket you wear to stand out amongst the claustrophobia-inducing crowd. This is the type of jacket you wear to a High School reunion – hey, if Romy had worn this jacket attempting the façade of  ‘businesswoman’, she may have actually pulled off that she invented Post-Its. Worn with the perfectly-distressed, totally-expensive but can’t-live-without DSquared jeans, a slightly-raggedy Alexander Wang-ish white tee and faux-wood pumps that vaguely remind me of a wine corkscrew (or maybe I’m just fantasizing about alcohol to an unhealthy point that anything and everything results in a lust for pinot!). For work-appropriate ventures, add in a professional but chilled-out top-handle bag and for a more evening appeal, add in earrings with just the right punch of fuschia.  Shop this Outfix below:

Jacket by Rag & Bone, $485  /  Top by H&M, $10  /  Jeans by DSquared, $630  /  Earrings by Bauble Bar, $36  /  Bag by ASOS, $153  /  Pumps by DVF, $325

Sequins and Snakeskin

Sequins and snakeskin are an unlikely duo for the fashion-fervent and one that makes absolutely no sense at all on paper. It’s as if Batman and the Joker have teamed up to take-down a shared nemesis (one particularly nerdy friend of mine has pointed out that this has happened but for the purposes of making a point of how polar opposite a sequin-speckled cami and lizard-skin sandals are, let’s pretend otherwise). It’s as if Tara Reid was nominated for an Oscar for her starring role in Sharknado, that brilliant work of cinema. It’s as if Taco Bell nixed the Beefy 5-Layers and rebranded to offer a strictly-vegan, all-organic, and totally-gluten-free menu. Okay, the last one sounds like an absolute nightmare but you get the point. Sequinand snakeskin makes no sense . But yet, rest be assured, they may just be the very spark that gets you out of your style rut.

Tibi’s sequin cami – now on sale for $59! – is a sparkly statement-making piece sure to make a grand entrance worn with virtually anything in your closet. But pair it with Club Monaco’s killer-cool snakeskin sandals and Eureka! You’ve got a look. A look that merits a right-swipe on Tinder. A look that demands it’s own comped Uber ride to Timbuktu. Whatever, enough, you get the point – it’s a great look. Mix in a dangling liquid-silver Tory Burch minauderie, boyfriend jeans that I already am in a seriously unhealthy relationship with, and some type of dope lip and get ready to strut as if your first name was Gisele and your last night was Bundchen. Because, let's be honest, how easy would life be if that was your nomenclature?

Top by Tibi, $59 (and selling fast so get a move on!)  /   Jeans by Current / Elliott, $240 / Minauderie by Tory Burch, $262  /  Sandals by Club Monaco, $269  / Lipstick by MAC, $16